i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
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i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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