I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
