First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
