i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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