Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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