im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
