The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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