She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I intend to get homeless drunk
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
