Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This girl is more easily done than said...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
