I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You smell like stripper and shame
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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