tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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