Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
