You're a womanizer and a bitch.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
