Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
