when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
