Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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