SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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