On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
