I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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