We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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