We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
