She is in my trunk
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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