it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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