I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
