You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
