I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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