remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
