I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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