she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
