i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
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I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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