Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
