Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i love accidental penises.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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