I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
