You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
