i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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