i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
