Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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