Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
