Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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