whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
