Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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