booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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