Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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