Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
