so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
