Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
