I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
