She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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