Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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