Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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