remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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