so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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