too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
