and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
