She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
