this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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