The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
