My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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