she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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