i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
