Whod you bang
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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