What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
