why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
