she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
