i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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