She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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