You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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