24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
