she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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