Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
