you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
