i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
