Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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