he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
