3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
